3 things I've learned in the last year
Practicing reflection as a spiritual discipline
Somehow, Carson and I went more than a month without seeing some of our closest friends…who only live 30 minutes away.
The beginning of the school year, a handful of quick weekend trips, and the general busy-ness of life just got the best of us.
So on Tuesday, when we finally reinstated our weekly ritual of pickleball followed by dinner at our favorite fast food spot, we had a lot to catch up on. We stay in touch throughout the week, but there are some things you just need to debrief face-to-face over a platter of chicken tenders.
It’s hard to take stock of an entire month (or so) in just a few minutes. What have we even been doing? What stories do we need to retell? What questions have I been meaning to ask?
I had to remind myself what we had been up to before I could begin to give updates. So, I jogged my memory the best way I knew how—I opened my camera roll and started scrolling through the visual record of my last few weeks.
I’m always surprised by how much life can be overlooked when I’m in the middle of it.
I led life groups with my college ministry throughout my undergrad years, and one of my favorite traditions was called “Story Night.” Each semester, we’d set aside one life group session to reflect on the things the Lord had taught us in the previous few months—to pull together the threads of that semester’s story.
I participated in no fewer than eight Story Nights, and every single time the end of the semester rolled around I was surprised at how difficult it was to pause and take stock of what I’d been walking through at the time. I’d pore over my journals and planners, remembering the emotions, anxieties, decisions, and victories that had defined my semester and thanking God for carrying me through.
Now, several years removed from my undergrad days, I’m so grateful for those sweet nights of reflection and the things I learned through them.
For better or for worse, postgrad life isn’t so neatly delineated into a semester schedule, and it’s difficult to routinize reflection. We’re approaching the holiday season, which tends to be nostalgic, and the New Year always prompts a look back at January’s resolutions, but in reality modern life rarely provides opportunities to pause, take a breath, and look back at the recent past.
It almost seems like the best way to push back against the constant demands of life in the hustle-and-bustle Information Age is to simply stop for a moment and reflect.
Reflection helps us make sense of our beliefs and experiences. It’s a discipline distinct from study and prayer, though the practices may certainly overlap at times.
As much as I wish I did, I don’t really have a quickstart guide for reflection, as I think it’s probably a pretty individual process.
So, instead of giving a step-by-step list of instructions, I’m going to spend some time reflecting on my own story over the last year or so.
Here’s the story God has been writing:
In the last year…
God has given me the gift of “Blessed Assurance.”
I’ve shared before that I spent several years afraid of God. I was terrified that at any moment I’d prove myself unworthy of his grace and that he’d finally drop me once and for all once I messed up one too many times.
I grew up in churches that preached a Biblical gospel; I knew, intellectually, that grace doesn’t work that way—that I ultimately am unworthy, and that God gives it anyway, because my worthiness isn’t the criteria. Yet it took years of seeking for me to actually believe that.
Continually, God reminds me that he will hold me fast. My reconciliation with him doesn’t hang in the balance of my perfect behavior; rather, he will continually give me all I need, every step of the way.
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 2:8-10
In the last 6 months…
I’ve gained a new understanding of what it means for God to be love. Two main factors contributed to this.
The first was reading Perelandra. The second book in C.S. Lewis’ Space Trilogy, this story illustrated God’s character in a way that nothing else I’ve ever read has done. I don’t want to give the story away, so I won’t share details, but the picture he paints in the climactic celebrations near the end of the book was breathtaking.
The second was the study of 1 John we did during spring. “God is love,” that oft-repeated phrase, is nestled amidst a letter to a group of believers at risk of being torn apart by internal and external conflicts. What’s the response to schism and false teaching? Return to the Father, John says. Seek him and imitate his love; then you’ll be imitating his very being.
In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
1 John 4:10-12
Through these two things, it was almost like God gave me new eyes to see the ways he demonstrates his love through both significant and (seemingly) inconsequential things.
In the last 6 weeks…
God has continued to remind me that he knows me well and created me with a purpose.
I mentioned last week the clarity I experienced during a moment of worship at the Women in Apologetics conference—but that wasn’t the only clarity I felt that weekend. I am always trying to put the pieces together, always trying to guess the next chapter, always trying to understand what the significance of my experiences might be.
Reflection is good, because it can provide answers to some of these questions. It can also impart some humility, though; realizing that the story God is telling in my life (and in yours, too!) is so much bigger and more complex than anything I could come up with is a consistent reminder to stop looking inward and turn my focus upward.
A few months ago, I opened my notebook and wrote one quick sentence: “Save me from my navel gazing.” It’s a short prayer of sorts that I return to often. God, take my eyes off myself and teach them to seek you first.
It’s not my job to put together all the pieces; it is my job to move forward in faithful obedience with my eyes always fixed on God.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.Psalm 139:4-6
I encourage you to spend some time in reflection this week. Think about what the Lord has been teaching you and the story he’s been writing over the last year, 6 months, or 6 weeks. Thank him for his constant guidance.
If he has felt far—if these last weeks or months have seemed silent or dry—do not become discouraged. Continue seeking, and you will find. Of this I am certain.
From the archives:
A visual reminder:
