Remembering Tim Keller and the book that changed my life
A masterclass in the intersection of truth and love
Last Friday, May 19, Tim Keller finished the race and came face-to-face with his Savior.
Though I know there was unfathomable rejoicing for him, I and Christians all over the world can’t help but feel as though we’ve experienced a great loss.
He was a pastor, author, and family man whose most striking achievement was his ability to plant and grow a flourishing, evangelical church in the heart of New York City. He longed to see Jesus at last and reassured his family, shortly before he passed, that “There is no downside for me in leaving, not in the slightest.”
I’m aware that my words are just a drop in the bucket of hundreds of beautiful tributes highlighting Keller’s prolific teaching and obedient servanthood. Still, I want to share a little about why his teaching has been so impactful in my walk with Christ.
The Reason for God
I first encountered Keller’s work late in high school, when Carson1, who had read The Reason for God, let me borrow his copy.
For me, a 17-year-old still in the early stages of developing my faith, this book was a breath of fresh air. It wasn’t like many of the popular pastoral books at the time, which—though impactful for many—all left me feeling anxious and inadequate.
That’s because Keller was masterful at pointing people toward Jesus.
That may seem obvious—wasn’t he a pastor? Wasn’t he just doing his job?
If you’ve read his work, or listened to his sermons, you know that his gift was deeper than that. Keller had an unparalleled gift of communicating God’s perfect love, while never diminishing his justice.
The Reason for God was my first brush with apologetics. Written in two parts—the first addressed to non-Christian seekers, and the second addressed to believers—it helped me begin building a foundation of faith that I’d desperately need in the years to come.
The Meaning of Marriage
Tim Keller is also the author behind the most impactful book I’ve ever read, The Meaning of Marriage. Yet another Carson find—he actually read this one in high school—I read this book for the first time during my sophomore year of college.
No, I wasn’t married (or even close to it) at the time—that wouldn’t happen for several more years. But, despite the name, this book isn’t just for engaged and married people. The introduction of the book says as much:
“[This volume’s] primary goal is to give both married and unmarried people a vision for what marriage is according to the Bible. That will help married people correct mistaken views that might be harming their marriage, and it will help single people stop destructively over-desiring marriage or destructively dismissing marriage altogether.”
The most life-changing revelation of the book, and the bedrock of the rest of the teaching, comes in Chapter 2, “The Power for Marriage,” in which Keller identifies the biggest threat to a marriage: self-centeredness.
Early in marriage, Keller says, you will begin to notice that your spouse is self-centered. Even worse—they will begin to notice the same thing about you. The natural reaction at this point is to determine that your spouse’s self-centeredness is surely worse than your own.
At this inflection point, couples tend to follow one of two paths:
They enter an unspoken “truce-marriage” marked by bargaining, emotional distance, and treading on eggshells, or
Each individual can “determine to see your own selfishness as a fundamental problem and treat it more seriously than you do your spouse’s.”
I’m not being flippant when I say that this teaching was revolutionary for me. Once I internalized that fact—that my selfishness was a bigger problem than my perception of anyone else’s—I viewed every relationship differently.
Now that I am married, I’ve revisited the wisdom of this book often. It wasn’t just good advice—it helped Carson and I form the foundational principles of our marriage and our household. We return to the book regularly, reminding ourselves often how important it is to act like you love each other (even when the “other” is hangry).
An eternal encourager
I’ve returned to Keller’s words often throughout my walk, always finding a steady stream of encouragement balanced with conviction. The power behind his teachings can actually be found in his own words, from The Meaning of Marriage:
“Love without truth is sentimentality; it supports and affirms us but keeps us in denial about our flaws. Truth without love is harshness; it gives us information but in such a way that we cannot really hear it. God's saving love in Christ, however, is marked by both radical truthfulness about who we are and yet also radical, unconditional commitment to us. The merciful commitment strengthens us to see the truth about ourselves and repent. The conviction and repentance moves us to cling to and rest in God's mercy and grace.”
Keller never minced his words when it came to truth. He wasn’t dismissive about the cost of sin or the true state of humanity—separated from God, hopeless without Christ.
But he never delivered this message with vitriol. As a student of Keller’s (if only through podcasts and YouTube videos), I can only explain his teaching style in this way: He was so filled with the love of Christ that he couldn’t help but pour it out on the people he taught.
When I listen to his sermons or read his books, it doesn’t feel like I’m a child being chastised. Rather, I feel like I’m being invited into a great and beautiful secret—I get to participate in the mystery of the Gospel by becoming a beneficiary of Christ’s death and resurrection.
It would take weeks of newsletters to truly do justice to the impact of these two books in my life, not to mention Keller’s teaching at large. I hope you’ll read one of the books, or listen to some of his sermons through the Gospel in Life podcast. I don’t think you’ll regret it.
A read & a watch:
First, take a look at Keller's obituary in the New York Times.
Then, listen to one of his sermons—any of them. I’ve linked one of the original sermons that inspired The Meaning of Marriage below. No matter what your relationship status is, I think you’ll find it encouraging.
My husband, for those who don’t know.