The Psalm that defined my college years
Reflecting on God's faithfulness through every stage
August has reached its halfway point, and my social feeds are flooded with college move-in, tasteful dorm decor, and #BamaRushTok.
This season (with the addition of a few strategically placed Facebook Memories) has got me thinking about my college years and the way they shaped my faith—and vice versa. I didn’t go through the rush process, so I don’t have much to say on that account, but I am a proud alumna of the University of Alabama, where I got both my bachelor’s and master’s degrees in Journalism.
There, I had the joy of an undergrad experience unblemished by the impacts of the pandemic. I attended many football games, spent too many late nights writing papers and studying for exams, and sharpened my skills as a writer and editor through unique internships (one of which allowed me to meet Nick Saban in his office—definitely one of my favorite days on the job).
As I believe is true for most young people, college was also the proving ground for my faith. It didn’t take long for me to realize, as a freshman, that I hadn’t yet “made my faith my own;” I didn’t even have an understanding of what that concept really meant. For me, that was a benefit of attending UA. Different students have different needs, but at 18 I needed the sink-or-swim experience of jumping from a high school graduating class of 100 to a student body of nearly 40,000.
I got involved with a college ministry basically as soon as I arrived on campus, through which I led small groups sophomore, junior, and senior year. Church membership and a community of Christians weren’t silver bullets for my doubts, as I’ve shared many times before. But, they did ensure that I was always thinking about my faith, even when those thoughts were more focused on its absence.
So, where am I headed with all of this reminiscing? For me and most (if not all) of my closest friends, our college years were crucial to the development of our faith—and that’s true for both those who stayed close to home and those who went “away.”
In 2019 (the year I completed undergrad), Barna reported that 64% of 18-29-year-olds who were raised in church had stopped attending as young adults. Elsewhere, it’s reported that roughly 70% of students who enter college as professing Christians will leave the faith before they graduate.
And these things aren’t just concerns for people who attend college—as the Barna stat implies, young adulthood in general is a tenuous time for faith.
If you know and love a college student or young adult: There’s no doubt in my mind that they could use a bit of encouragement right now.
If you are a college student: I hope you’ll find a strand of reassurance here as you get ready to take on another semester.
As I started thinking about challenges that I faced throughout undergrad, I realized that they could all be found in the Psalm that I fell in love with during my sophomore year: Psalm 139. This passage of scripture has been a source of comfort for many years now, always reminding me of God’s special faithfulness and unique, fatherly attentiveness to each of his children (including me?!).
Here’s how Psalm 139 guided me through my college years.
Freshman year
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.Psalm 139:7-10
When I moved into my dorm, I was a chemical engineering major. By the time I moved out, I was pursuing a degree in journalism—after a brief jaunt in marketing.
It goes without saying that I didn’t (and, honestly, still don’t) have any idea what I wanted to do with my life, yet felt as though I needed to make the “right” decision, lest this whole thing come crumbling down.
My first semester was tough. I was away from home for the first time ever with no idea who I was or what I wanted out of life. My small group, comprising a dozen or so other freshman girls who were going through the same rollercoaster of emotions, and Wednesday night worship services were irreplaceable sources of comfort and community.
As a small fish in a massive pond, I needed to be seen and known. That’s where this verse comes in. During a special worship service around the end of my first semester, I remember singing a song with the lyric, “I am with you wherever you go,” and feeling 100% certain that the Lord was using that lyric to speak to me in that moment.1 Yes, God was as present in Tuscaloosa as he had been in Killen—thank goodness!
Sophomore year
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!Psalm 139:23-24
My sophomore year was when the cracks in my faith began to slowly show themselves. Recently, as I looked back on some journals from that period, I realized how anxious and insecure I was in my faith. I was terrified that if I made a misstep, I’d somehow disqualify myself from God’s grace.
Sophomore year was also the year I fell in love with Psalm 139. When I became overwhelmed, I’d divert my Bible study to meditate on and pray this Psalm, with an emphasis on these final two verses. Through a yearslong process of continual seeking, the Lord has delivered, providing peace and abundant assurance.
Junior year
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.Psalm 139:16
After I reached the halfway point of my college career, I realized it was time to start planning ahead.
I also realized that I was experiencing my first true crisis of faith.
This combination of factors was nothing short of terrifying. I didn’t know what I should do and was still getting to know myself—and my faith, the one thing that had been a constant in my life, was suddenly feeling more questionable than ever.
Every choice felt fraught. Should I go to graduate school? Should I pick up another major? What internship should I go for? But also…is God real? Can I trust the Bible? How do I know?
With the benefit of hindsight, I can now say that I’m extremely grateful for the Lord’s sustainment through that time. This verse provided comfort in both crises: First, God knows me intimately and he will guide my path; and second, because he knows me, he knows my “threshold for belief,” and will guide me to truth as long as I am honestly searching.
Senior year
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.Psalm 139:17-18
If my junior year was the lowest point in my faith thus far, then my senior year was the period when things started to look hopeful again. With the burden of fear becoming lighter every day, I was able to worship God more fully than ever before.
My faith has not been perfected, and the journey of sanctification continues every day. But, I no longer look at God as a tyrant waiting for me to mess up. I understand the severity of my sin—but I also have a fuller understanding of the power of the cross.
Whether your life is defined by a school calendar or not, we’re getting ready to enter into a new season full of exciting changes and unknown challenges. I encourage you to spend some time praying over Psalm 139 in the coming days and weeks—I hope it gives you the same comfort it has given me all these years.
Now, LMK:
What scripture has comforted and encouraged you throughout your walk? Let me know in the comments—I’d love to hear!
After some searching, it looks like the song is “Come to Me” by Jenn Johnson. Worth a listen!
Thank you for being so open and sharing this. You probably remember seeing 2 Corinthians 4:18 on the refrigerator for many years. Really the whole chapter is so full of hope and encouragement. It reminds me of where my focus should be, because we know it can get skewed. When I reset my vision off of myself and onto things of God, a burden gets lighter. Every single time.